I've been awake since two o'clock yesterday afternoon. I got up, did some chores, wasted some time, then went to work at six p.m. I got home at around six thirty in the morning. My fragile state of pseudo-awakenment fueled by so many cups of coffee in the early morning... or late night... I'm not too sure. I watched as the sky turned from black, to grey, to blue, tonight it will do the opposite. Each beginning and ending filled with a burst of color, a last show of hope. Hope that it will not end. But the colors fade into darkness, always. Just as hope seems to dwindle in the wee hours of the night, or early morn. The spider's web caught my eye as it glistened in the rising sun. With parts of it missing and hanging by threads, but still, it held on. This web, is my life. A tangled mess of threads, held together by a select few strands. One of those strands lives with me now. I doubt he's ever known how much weight he holds in my life, and the respect I have for him. Even when I first met him, he embodied what I wanted to be. Himself. I'm just starting to come to terms that I don't need to put on a mask to fit into this broken society. That it is perfectly fine to just be me. Now as I move further towards the autum of my life, I look to him for guidance once more. And as always, he's there to help me find my footing on a path that is darkened to me, but light to him. There is another strand that comes to mind. A caring, supportive, and loving strand. I got to see her two days ago, or was it three. I can't remember anymore. All I remember are images and her scent, the warpth of her embrace. She conjures up feelings inside me that I have fought to keep dormant for at least a year. Feelings of love. Yet I fear her, as I fear love. For love is the sun. It shines down upon us with warmpth and light. But it burns. The last time I felt these feelings my heart was lit ablaze and left for ashes. Slowly I tried to mend the broken mirror, to regain the pieces of my soul I had lost. I still search for the last missing pieces. The one's that I can never have unless given. But I can give all of me to her, without ever needing anything back, save a smile and a hug. Strange thoughts swirll through my mind this morning. Another three hours and I'll have been up for twenty four straight. Twelve of which devoted to work. I can still hear the machines working inside my head. Head. So heavy... My body feels as though it is going to collapse but my mind is racing at a stand still. Its wheels spinning with such vilocety they do not even move. Instead they stay stuck, in the sands of time.

~L0RE